Chuck Taylors..

Mababaw na post lang. I've been trying to look for really unique Chuck Taylors for the past few weeks to no avail. Wala. Wala talaga akong mahanap. Pinuntahan ko na ang lahat ng tindahan ng nasabing sapatos sa lahat ng outlet sa lahat ng mall na malapit sa aking opisina at bahay.

At ngayong gabi lang, naisip ko. Ang pinaka-kakaiba at pinakamalupet na nasabing sapatos ay yung sariling iyo talaga. Ung pinaghirapan mong pagandahin at angkinin. Ung tipong may disenyong wala talagang katulad sa mundo. I decided to customize my own chucks.

Para din yang pag-ibig.

Minsan (at minsan lang talaga), hanap ka nang hanap sa kung san-sang lupalop ng mundo ng babaeng mamahalin mo, yun pala, kailangan mo lang angkinin at pagandahin ang relasyon na andyan na rin mismo.

Lesson for today?

BUILD UP YOUR OWN IF YOU WANT SOMETHING THE WORLD  HAS NEVER SEEN BEFORE AND WILL NEVER SEE AGAIN.

Yehbah...:)

Favorite Person in the Entire Universe..

I woke up this morning feeling awesome and inspired, as the Lord has been embracing me with His overwhelming love for the whole length of the weekend. It's an amazing feeling being in love with your Lord, your Dad, Your best friend all in one. He has never let me down, and has been faithful no matter the circumstance. He is all that I will ever need.

At the middle of the day, though, one thought started to bother me. It all began with the thought on how a friend of mine called her best friend her 'favorite person in the entire universe"...I started wondering.

Whatever happened to my best friends?

I have a best friend named Chot, my best bud who's been with me even while we were in diapers. He's my cousin, best man, blood brother, name it. He's the awesomest dude to ever grace the planet, other than me. haha. But yeah, He has a girl now, and the usual case would be for Him to lose track of everything that's been happening around him and focus on that one person. It's been a long time since we really talked. Like REALLY talked. It makes me wonder if he's ever gonna start hanging out again, let alone noticing everybody else in the world. I pray that time will come that he'll be living a balanced life and he's gonna have time to rock out again.

I had a bestfriend way back my elementary days named Deng but that's mostly because we shared the same passion and we were like the twin artists of our batch. We we're unstoppable when it came to contests, and we hung out pretty much all the time. I even go visit their place alot and i got really close with the rest of the family. But come university days, we sort of drifted apart - i became focused with my other friends and *slight choking* the ladies, while he focused more on his very demanding course - Medicine. We still hang out every now and then along with my high school gang, but yeah, I guess we were just really really good friends.

I have a bestbud back in high school, Val was the name. Funny thing is, He was part of the same group that me and Deng were in. But the fact that we really got along in everything makes him one of my..howdoisaythis..closest best buds ever. Up until now we can talk about anything and everything under the sun, and when we talked it was usually about the finer things in life. Plans. Ideas. Ideals. All that stuff. He's still a best bud, although time really got the best of us and we rarely get together now. He works in the government so just imagine how demanding his workload is. I blame myself partially, though, because i could have stayed in touch more with him. Then again, i'm the guy who keeps messing up, so it's not really a surprise that I had the wrong priorities.

College came and with it came the ladies. College was the period of my life that really shaped me as a man. In my decisions, in my niche, in my confidence and in my style. I quickly came to discover that I have this natural affinity with girls, thus most if not all my friends were female. I became a quintessential BFF to many girls and i was the one they ran to ask for a guy's point of view and such. Also, I started to use the "best friend strategy" to get close to girls that i liked, and mostly it did work. Not always as smoothly as you'd think, but I usually ended up getting good results. Then again, this put a very vague line between friends and lovers, so eventually i stopped doing it, or so i thought.

I have 2 college best friends, both named Irene, both of whom became a special part of my heart, if you know what i mean. We are still close and we still hang out every now and then, but because of the nature of our friendships, it's not exactly clear where they stood in my life before. We still are awesome friends now, but now that i think about it, it took awhile before we really got a "genuine" friendship - without the blemish of any romantic attachment. They are still best friends, but maybe, just maybe, I am looking for something more.

Time passed by and i guess i just stopped looking for a best friend, knowing all full well that it is for naught. best friends, especially with the ladies, is a very big question mark. Unless the lady already has a lover, in which case, you are then ousted as the best friend. It is very difficult to work out. As for the guys, I guess yeah, i still have to reach out to them to really revive the friendship to how it was before..

As it stands, though.. I miss having a favorite person in the entire universe.

• Someone who can be the best brother or sister even if they aren't. 
• Someone who will also strengthen you in the Lord and will be one with you in worshipping Him.
• Someone who will not hesitate to tell you off openly if you do something stupid or when you get in trouble.
• Someone who sends off the feeling that they love you even if the only things they mutter and "goodness, you look ugly today,"
• Someone woith whom you can be yourself , and have moments of silence with and not feel feel awkward about it.
• Someone who will laugh with you or laugh at you openly, but can knows when you have to be sad as well and they are just there to be a shoulder to lean on.
• Someone who goes out of way just to hang out, no matter how busy they or you get.

Yes, i miss this kind of friendship very much. I know one day my wife will be my best friend, wherever she is, but i really wish there was something like this in my life as well. A brother. A sister. Whatever. Anyone who can be all these.

Becoming A Man of Art..

Wow, this is really nostalgic. The first blog that i made was the one i posted in multiply.com way back January 2, 2009. I was working as a relay agent then, and i think i badly wanted to write down what i felt at that time, because it was crushing me from inside. Yes, i sounded like a loser. But hey, these things happen, right? Getting bumps and bruises along the way is part of our development as people. I have now grown much in my craft, but for memory's sake, here's the blog i wrote back then. Enjoy.:)

. . .

Yeah...

First time i'm gonna be typing down something on this and i really don't know how to start it off..

..Oh well. 

Some really frustrating thought is bothering me right now and it's the first time in a long time that i've really felt pessimisticly negative (yes, i know it's redundant). I've just been browsing deviant art to check out some person's work. Nothing new, just checking out some pictures and drawings on the site. As i go on browsing, though, i begin to realize how good this person was. She is REALLY good. I am not exaggerating. It even came to a point where i was gawking (errr..?) at how good the artwork were. Then my thoughts started to point to myself.
OUCH.

I am a self pronounced artist. I say this because i can draw. But then it hit me and it hit me hard. How many millions of people in the world are better than me? This girl who was not even my age made works of art. i made drawings.

DRAWINGS.

lifeless non-expressive non-artistic drawings. Anime to be exact. There is nothing wrong with anime, mind you, but the ones she made was real ART.

 - i see art as expression and outpouring of a person's soul into things of beauty -

It was a frustrating feeling. It wasn't envy. It was more of self pity. Her works made me feel like some geek who was addicted to anime. My works were nothing compared to hers. I felt like my forte (yes drawing is my forte) was a very mediocre thing. I closed the site. I was on the brink of breaking down.

Just for the record i'm not a pessimist. A pessimist see's things negatively as a HABIT or as part of their character. It's just that i have big dreams, and i still do when it comes to what i do best. But it seems that i still have a very long way to go before i make a mark in that world...

I pray that time will come and i'll look back at this entry and smile, seeing how much i've grown and changed into a real man of art.

Dedma..

Has it ever occured to you that a lot of people resort to the "you do not exist in my world" or "you are dead in my eyes" or "i will completely ignore you even if I die" method when they get mad with someone? These people usually think the best way to show someone they're upset would be to selectively and completely wipe out the existence of a person from their reality. They look through the person as if he or she were invisible, talk to everyone else around the room deliberately without addressing that person, avoid the person as if he or she had a highly contagious disease, and smile as if everything is completely normal, minus that one person.

I had this friend that was also my colleague and we got to talk more in the past month even though she's been around since last year. We weren't really all chummy before basically because we had nothing in common but for some reason, she made an attempt to reach out. And i do not see this as anything flirtatious at any point since she's already married and has a bouncing baby boy. No. Nothing like that. She was just trying to be friendly and I was all out for that. Friends are friends. One more in the bucket wouldn't really hurt, right?

She then started sharing information that i deemed would be inappropriate for public display. That is, she started sharing (way too) personal information to me. It's weird, because as awkward as i found this, I tried my best to take it in without sounding rude or offensive. She was talking about it and asked me things about myself as well. Now, being the good samaritan that I am (and i don't know if this was the right thing to do) I sort of engaged her in the level of conversation that she's giving out. No malice. Just conversation. After all, people are very different from each other, right? I thought this was just another quirk that she shows everybody else. Well, not all of our conversations were like that, eventually it kind of branched out to other topics, and I am very much grateful that this happened. For short, we got to be (sort of) okay friends.

This recent Sunday morning was a sudden turn of events on the so-called-friendship. She texted me as she usually would (with a good morning) and we started talking about a new topic this time which is, unfortunately, my recent ex. I was all good with it, i guess, and answered it as i usually do, blunt and to the point. She told me some details about what she heard about my situation and i merely asked her where she got the information since there were incorrect details about it.

That's when things started to turn sour.

She retaliated with something like this,

 “Enough of the phishing. No need to know exactly who they are. You’re there for the job and so am I. I’ll be keeping my distance from now on since I kinda feel where this conversation is going. T’was nice of you to share some (way too) personal stuff. Thank you, I appreciate it. See you around.”

At that point that she was mad, my bubble also burst. I WAS THE ONE GIVING (WAY TOO PERSONAL INFORMATION?! Really? And how can she reply like that when all i asked was a harmless and friendly question? This really struck a nerve but i was calm enough to confirm if the message was really for me since it really didn't make sense. But she confirmed that it really was for me, i came on the offensive after that, although i wasn't really sure that was the right decision to make.. the response went like,

"thing is, I did not know where that was going and I have no idea where you picked up half of what you said. And I was the one sharing too personal stuff? Really now?:) Well, whatevs. See you.."

What? I was upset, okay? If there's one really serious pet peeve that I have, it's being accused for something that I didn't do. I can be very apologetic and sorry if I was my fault, but if it wasn't and you point your finger at me, boy, you better be ready to spill some blood. In any case, It got really heated up and that's the only reply i came with and she ended the conversation there any then.

I thought about the situation overnight that maybe I didn't handle the situation the right way. Yes, she was very vague and I was got upset really fast because of it; but then i realized I didn't want any awkward situations with my colleague. I decided to reconcile.

I sent her a reconcilliation email and the email basically mentioned that i wanted to patch things up with her and that we should talk. There was even an apology squeezed in there and I thought that was enough to make it work. Unfortunately, the email ended up unanswered and that was an apparent answer of "3 days ago, you died in my eyes," Sad. Sad and awkward.

It's just weird (to me, at least) since I am the type of person who would rather sit down and talk about something in a mature and logical way that just not talking to someone. But you can't expect people to see things the way you would, and that would be the end of the story. A shame, really. All because of a simple text message that she took an offense on. Up until now, I have no idea what set her off. It will be awkward the upcoming days but things will eventually warm down and normalize.:) It just goes back to the time we didn't really talk. But i'm still positive about things, and I hope we can be friends again, or that she at least recognizes my existence.

Uncomfortably Slow..

Newton Faulkner

Travelling again
I know exactly how it's gonna end
The routine day dream starts as I get off
I'm holding up the queue
Because my ticket won't go through
I know it should be simple but it's not

So don't take my photograph
Cos I don't wanna know how it looks
To feel like this
As cars and people pass
It feels like standing still but I know
I'm just moving uncomfortably slow

Something's gotta change
I know i'm lucky in a lot of ways
So why do I want more
Than what I have?
Brace myself to hear the lies
I wonder if they know that I
Don't get the jokes but I just
Need to laugh

So don't take my photograph
Cos I don't wanna know how it looks
To feel like this
As cars and people pass
It feels like standing still but I know
I'm just moving uncomfortably slow

I'm just moving uncomfortably
Slow down
There's infinite detail
When you break it down
It all becomes simple how
It all becomes clearer now

So don't take my photograph
Cos I don't wanna know how it looks
To feel like this
As cars and people pass
It feels like standing still but I know
I'm just moving sub-consciously
One day I guess i'll be
The man that you think you see
I'm just moving uncomfortably
Slow.

Digging Into My Unconscious..

I was a college teacher and i taught in a prestigious European university of which i did not know the name. Students were from all over the world and I was very happy with the profession i chose. People liked me and I felt a sense of fulfillment whenever a student of mine passed by the corridor and greeted me.

Then I was in a large church and went on a mission to spy on an underground organization within it. I went through secret passages until i was in a hallway that looked like a medieval dungeon. Passing through it, i finally encountered the leader, an old man with a thick white beard whose facial features was obscured by a dark cloaked. We talked and i found out he wasn't as creepy as his looks suggested, and I became a member of the group. I went with several of the group's top tier members and found out that some of my family were already a part of it.

Then i was learning how to drive and was mentored by a street racer who drove a supercar. I was racing like a pro right of the bat and he commended my driving skills. I was still on the mission the leader sent me on, and there were several other cars from other groups trying to attack me.

~ fin ~

Note to Self..

TODAY is the best day of your life!:)