Becoming A Man of Art..

Wow, this is really nostalgic. The first blog that i made was the one i posted in multiply.com way back January 2, 2009. I was working as a relay agent then, and i think i badly wanted to write down what i felt at that time, because it was crushing me from inside. Yes, i sounded like a loser. But hey, these things happen, right? Getting bumps and bruises along the way is part of our development as people. I have now grown much in my craft, but for memory's sake, here's the blog i wrote back then. Enjoy.:)

. . .

Yeah...

First time i'm gonna be typing down something on this and i really don't know how to start it off..

..Oh well. 

Some really frustrating thought is bothering me right now and it's the first time in a long time that i've really felt pessimisticly negative (yes, i know it's redundant). I've just been browsing deviant art to check out some person's work. Nothing new, just checking out some pictures and drawings on the site. As i go on browsing, though, i begin to realize how good this person was. She is REALLY good. I am not exaggerating. It even came to a point where i was gawking (errr..?) at how good the artwork were. Then my thoughts started to point to myself.
OUCH.

I am a self pronounced artist. I say this because i can draw. But then it hit me and it hit me hard. How many millions of people in the world are better than me? This girl who was not even my age made works of art. i made drawings.

DRAWINGS.

lifeless non-expressive non-artistic drawings. Anime to be exact. There is nothing wrong with anime, mind you, but the ones she made was real ART.

 - i see art as expression and outpouring of a person's soul into things of beauty -

It was a frustrating feeling. It wasn't envy. It was more of self pity. Her works made me feel like some geek who was addicted to anime. My works were nothing compared to hers. I felt like my forte (yes drawing is my forte) was a very mediocre thing. I closed the site. I was on the brink of breaking down.

Just for the record i'm not a pessimist. A pessimist see's things negatively as a HABIT or as part of their character. It's just that i have big dreams, and i still do when it comes to what i do best. But it seems that i still have a very long way to go before i make a mark in that world...

I pray that time will come and i'll look back at this entry and smile, seeing how much i've grown and changed into a real man of art.