Regrets and Counting..

This post goes out to you..
A most precious person i've hurt beyond measurable pain..
A person who do most likely won't be able to read this..


I WAS WRONG.

I was selfish and blinded at that time, looking at the prize in front of me instead of saving something that was more worthwhile. What could have been a beautiful friendship desintegrated into nothing because of my actions. I betrayed you, spit on the wound i caused and drove you to the ground without considering what you were going through. Had I been in your stead, I  might have done the unspeakable to hurt you back.


YOU WERE RIGHT.

There was nothing wrong with the way you acted. I pretended to be callous, to be insensitive to your hate, but I knew that you were right all along; the spite you had for me was well deserved. You did nothing wrong, and you were merely trying to get back on your feet.


I AM SORRY.

I've said this a million times before, and i meant it every single time. I've no excuse for hurting you, no reason to deny whatever i did, because I know I was wrong, and that's how it is. Every time I remember you, I see myself as less of a person, knowing I did what I did. I was a jerk, to say the least, and I deserve more than the anger you threw at me.

You will never be able to read this, and there's no way you will ever forgive me for what I did. But I hope, wherever you are, you meet someone who makes my wrongs right, and restores you and gets your beautiful soul back together to how it was. You are beautiful, much more than you know. We were never meant to be, but that much, I am sure of.

I can never take back anything that I did, but just so you'd know, if it's any consolation at all. I will carry regret in my heart all my life, for the pain that I've caused you.

Predictable..

A friend once told me that the word PREDICTABLE was one of the worst words you can use to describe a girl. She had a point, and one that is full of wisdom. Predictability is one of the last things a girl wants to be, right?

That means you're a given. You can be taken for granted. You are not special.

I'm an artist, or so i say.
Am I weird? Some people I only think I am.
Am I unique? As unique as the billions of people on this planet.
Am I where i want to be? No.

I'm stuck in  a crossroad where all paths seem like dead ends.
I can't get anywhere, mostly because of my circumstances.
I'm stuck.
Very stuck.

There's money.
It's always about money.
There's skill.
A skill that lay so dormant for so long it seems like it's made of rust.
There's family.
And I am responsible for those i love.
There's connections and contacts.
Because, frankly, i don't have any of those.

Then there's me.

'Google something, you idiot! You're bound to get somewhere, right??'
Yes, somewhere.
In a place where you keep clicking until your pointer hurts.
Fine, let's keep clicking.

Where is this post headed, you ask?
I don't know.
This post goes out to all the people out there who don't know where they're going.
Don't know what they're supposed to be.
And don't know who they are, exactly.

You are not alone.
If you're barely holding on.
If you're sick of it all.
If you don't know what to do.

You are not alone.

If..

You were a bunch of crickets talking, and all of you suddenly became silent, what would you hear chirping in the background?

Honored..

A song you have made,has reached my ears.

beautiful and glorious,

i listen to it and i hear your heart.

tender and loving, A fitting gift.

I think me unworthy,

not deserving of this honor.

That something so precious to you,

was placed in the palm of my hands.

With words you soothe my soul,

with your touch all the colors pour forth.

WIth a whisper you melt my being.

And build it up again with an embrace.

I look into your eyes and smile,

A smile that comes as often as a blue moon.

You have roused me from my sleep,

and you left a mark that cannot be undone.

You have changed me, 

And I am forever ni debt.

You will always remind me how this life is worth living.

You have honored me with your being.

Bungkal..

Habang ako'y bumabyahe pauwe mula sa trabaho isang araw (lunes ata un), napansin ko nalang na ang isang kalye na madalas kong nadadaanan ay nabungkal na, bitak-bitak, at may ilang katao na nagmimistulang "umaayos" dito. Sinubukan kong tandaan ang sira ng naturang kalsada at wala akong matandaan. Mukang maayos naman cia dati at nagagampanan ang layunin ng isang kalsada. Ilang araw ang nakalipas at napansin ko na nagsimula naring bungkalin ang marami pang ibang kalye sa Maynila. 

Dun ko napatunayan na nalalapit na ang eleksyon.

Ang "pag-aayos" ng kalsada ay isa lamang sa maraming sintomas ng eleksyong paparating. Ito ang isa sa mga biglaan o maagang napupuna sapagkat ito ay nagmimistulang malaking karatula: imposibleng hindi mo ito mapansin dahil apektado ang dadaanan mo. And sunod mong mapapansin ay ang signboard na nagsasabing ginagawa ang naturang kalye (talaga? hindi obyus?) na may kasamang pangalan ng taong nagpagawa nito - Ang taong nangangampanya.

Nakakasuka, kung tatanungin mo ko, sapagkat napaka-garapal lang talaga. Ipinagsisigawan ng mga proyektong ito ang napaka-halatang pagpapakitang-gilas at pagpapasikat. Napakadaming panahon na maaaring mag-ayos ng kalsada. Madaming taong ang lumipas na niragasa tayo ng bagyo at binaha. Maraming bahay ang nasira, maraming gamit ang tinangay. Oo, kasalanan din ng mga taong nagtatapon ng basura sa kalye nang walang pakundangan, pero ano ba naman yan! Yung dahilan ba ng pag-papaayos ng kalsada ay ngayon lang napansin? Kung hindi man baha ang dahilan at kondisyon lang ng kalsada, naman-naman..Matino pa yang kalye na "ginagawa" ninyo! At yan din ung parehas na kalye na "ginawa" ninyo ilang taon lang ang nakalipas - ilang taon, kamo? Ung dami ng taon mula nung huling eleksyon.

Kung tutuusin, magandang istratehiya yan kung gusto talagang mapansin ng mga botante. Pero tandaan, natututo din ang tao. Tumatalino din ang mga botante *crosses fingers* and nagsisimula nang mag-isip. Ako'y umaasa na ang mga raket na ganito ay di na gagana nang basta basta sa mga tao at mapipili na talaga natin ang mga kandidato na taos-pusong magsisilbi sa mga kababayan.

Nga pala, sampol lang ung larawan sa itaas. Di yan ung kalye. Hehe.

Puppy Love..

Her name is Okane. Small. Dark as a shadow. Strong and adventurous. Mischievous, and Loaded with enough energy to power up the whole country.

Oh, and she's my pet puppy, and I love her.

Every time I've been going home for the the past 5 months have been the best each and every time. I open that door and i would always see that light on her eyes as her tail wags unendingly in delight. The way she jumps up and down shows how much she wants to convey excitement that i've arrived. I guess that emotion you get someone misses you and can't wait to show love is a feeling all dog owners have the privelege of getting. All the weariness and stress you felt the whole day suddenly drains off as she starts licking at you and giving you that "face". If they said in surveys that dog owners lived happier and fuller lives, i wouldn't doubt that a single bit.

Puppy love is very much different from the way people do. It is unselfish, devoted and loyal. Urgent and patient. It is pure. You cannot compare it to anything else, i guess, especially when it is shown with those adorable eyes. I guess that's why they call children's affection puppy love. It is untainted and can never be corrupted by anything in this world. That is why they call a person who's loyalty never falters as a puppy of of another. They cannot be bribed against the hand that raised them. And this is why it's so amazing.

She's 5 months, more or less a child in dog years, but just about to hit her teens. Right now she is always full of energy and always running around and destroying stuff (i admit. I'm poor when it comes to dog training) and i hope, besides the destroying part, she stays that way until her later years.