Chuck Taylors..

Mababaw na post lang. I've been trying to look for really unique Chuck Taylors for the past few weeks to no avail. Wala. Wala talaga akong mahanap. Pinuntahan ko na ang lahat ng tindahan ng nasabing sapatos sa lahat ng outlet sa lahat ng mall na malapit sa aking opisina at bahay.

At ngayong gabi lang, naisip ko. Ang pinaka-kakaiba at pinakamalupet na nasabing sapatos ay yung sariling iyo talaga. Ung pinaghirapan mong pagandahin at angkinin. Ung tipong may disenyong wala talagang katulad sa mundo. I decided to customize my own chucks.

Para din yang pag-ibig.

Minsan (at minsan lang talaga), hanap ka nang hanap sa kung san-sang lupalop ng mundo ng babaeng mamahalin mo, yun pala, kailangan mo lang angkinin at pagandahin ang relasyon na andyan na rin mismo.

Lesson for today?

BUILD UP YOUR OWN IF YOU WANT SOMETHING THE WORLD  HAS NEVER SEEN BEFORE AND WILL NEVER SEE AGAIN.

Yehbah...:)

Favorite Person in the Entire Universe..

I woke up this morning feeling awesome and inspired, as the Lord has been embracing me with His overwhelming love for the whole length of the weekend. It's an amazing feeling being in love with your Lord, your Dad, Your best friend all in one. He has never let me down, and has been faithful no matter the circumstance. He is all that I will ever need.

At the middle of the day, though, one thought started to bother me. It all began with the thought on how a friend of mine called her best friend her 'favorite person in the entire universe"...I started wondering.

Whatever happened to my best friends?

I have a best friend named Chot, my best bud who's been with me even while we were in diapers. He's my cousin, best man, blood brother, name it. He's the awesomest dude to ever grace the planet, other than me. haha. But yeah, He has a girl now, and the usual case would be for Him to lose track of everything that's been happening around him and focus on that one person. It's been a long time since we really talked. Like REALLY talked. It makes me wonder if he's ever gonna start hanging out again, let alone noticing everybody else in the world. I pray that time will come that he'll be living a balanced life and he's gonna have time to rock out again.

I had a bestfriend way back my elementary days named Deng but that's mostly because we shared the same passion and we were like the twin artists of our batch. We we're unstoppable when it came to contests, and we hung out pretty much all the time. I even go visit their place alot and i got really close with the rest of the family. But come university days, we sort of drifted apart - i became focused with my other friends and *slight choking* the ladies, while he focused more on his very demanding course - Medicine. We still hang out every now and then along with my high school gang, but yeah, I guess we were just really really good friends.

I have a bestbud back in high school, Val was the name. Funny thing is, He was part of the same group that me and Deng were in. But the fact that we really got along in everything makes him one of my..howdoisaythis..closest best buds ever. Up until now we can talk about anything and everything under the sun, and when we talked it was usually about the finer things in life. Plans. Ideas. Ideals. All that stuff. He's still a best bud, although time really got the best of us and we rarely get together now. He works in the government so just imagine how demanding his workload is. I blame myself partially, though, because i could have stayed in touch more with him. Then again, i'm the guy who keeps messing up, so it's not really a surprise that I had the wrong priorities.

College came and with it came the ladies. College was the period of my life that really shaped me as a man. In my decisions, in my niche, in my confidence and in my style. I quickly came to discover that I have this natural affinity with girls, thus most if not all my friends were female. I became a quintessential BFF to many girls and i was the one they ran to ask for a guy's point of view and such. Also, I started to use the "best friend strategy" to get close to girls that i liked, and mostly it did work. Not always as smoothly as you'd think, but I usually ended up getting good results. Then again, this put a very vague line between friends and lovers, so eventually i stopped doing it, or so i thought.

I have 2 college best friends, both named Irene, both of whom became a special part of my heart, if you know what i mean. We are still close and we still hang out every now and then, but because of the nature of our friendships, it's not exactly clear where they stood in my life before. We still are awesome friends now, but now that i think about it, it took awhile before we really got a "genuine" friendship - without the blemish of any romantic attachment. They are still best friends, but maybe, just maybe, I am looking for something more.

Time passed by and i guess i just stopped looking for a best friend, knowing all full well that it is for naught. best friends, especially with the ladies, is a very big question mark. Unless the lady already has a lover, in which case, you are then ousted as the best friend. It is very difficult to work out. As for the guys, I guess yeah, i still have to reach out to them to really revive the friendship to how it was before..

As it stands, though.. I miss having a favorite person in the entire universe.

• Someone who can be the best brother or sister even if they aren't. 
• Someone who will also strengthen you in the Lord and will be one with you in worshipping Him.
• Someone who will not hesitate to tell you off openly if you do something stupid or when you get in trouble.
• Someone who sends off the feeling that they love you even if the only things they mutter and "goodness, you look ugly today,"
• Someone woith whom you can be yourself , and have moments of silence with and not feel feel awkward about it.
• Someone who will laugh with you or laugh at you openly, but can knows when you have to be sad as well and they are just there to be a shoulder to lean on.
• Someone who goes out of way just to hang out, no matter how busy they or you get.

Yes, i miss this kind of friendship very much. I know one day my wife will be my best friend, wherever she is, but i really wish there was something like this in my life as well. A brother. A sister. Whatever. Anyone who can be all these.

Becoming A Man of Art..

Wow, this is really nostalgic. The first blog that i made was the one i posted in multiply.com way back January 2, 2009. I was working as a relay agent then, and i think i badly wanted to write down what i felt at that time, because it was crushing me from inside. Yes, i sounded like a loser. But hey, these things happen, right? Getting bumps and bruises along the way is part of our development as people. I have now grown much in my craft, but for memory's sake, here's the blog i wrote back then. Enjoy.:)

. . .

Yeah...

First time i'm gonna be typing down something on this and i really don't know how to start it off..

..Oh well. 

Some really frustrating thought is bothering me right now and it's the first time in a long time that i've really felt pessimisticly negative (yes, i know it's redundant). I've just been browsing deviant art to check out some person's work. Nothing new, just checking out some pictures and drawings on the site. As i go on browsing, though, i begin to realize how good this person was. She is REALLY good. I am not exaggerating. It even came to a point where i was gawking (errr..?) at how good the artwork were. Then my thoughts started to point to myself.
OUCH.

I am a self pronounced artist. I say this because i can draw. But then it hit me and it hit me hard. How many millions of people in the world are better than me? This girl who was not even my age made works of art. i made drawings.

DRAWINGS.

lifeless non-expressive non-artistic drawings. Anime to be exact. There is nothing wrong with anime, mind you, but the ones she made was real ART.

 - i see art as expression and outpouring of a person's soul into things of beauty -

It was a frustrating feeling. It wasn't envy. It was more of self pity. Her works made me feel like some geek who was addicted to anime. My works were nothing compared to hers. I felt like my forte (yes drawing is my forte) was a very mediocre thing. I closed the site. I was on the brink of breaking down.

Just for the record i'm not a pessimist. A pessimist see's things negatively as a HABIT or as part of their character. It's just that i have big dreams, and i still do when it comes to what i do best. But it seems that i still have a very long way to go before i make a mark in that world...

I pray that time will come and i'll look back at this entry and smile, seeing how much i've grown and changed into a real man of art.

Dedma..

Has it ever occured to you that a lot of people resort to the "you do not exist in my world" or "you are dead in my eyes" or "i will completely ignore you even if I die" method when they get mad with someone? These people usually think the best way to show someone they're upset would be to selectively and completely wipe out the existence of a person from their reality. They look through the person as if he or she were invisible, talk to everyone else around the room deliberately without addressing that person, avoid the person as if he or she had a highly contagious disease, and smile as if everything is completely normal, minus that one person.

I had this friend that was also my colleague and we got to talk more in the past month even though she's been around since last year. We weren't really all chummy before basically because we had nothing in common but for some reason, she made an attempt to reach out. And i do not see this as anything flirtatious at any point since she's already married and has a bouncing baby boy. No. Nothing like that. She was just trying to be friendly and I was all out for that. Friends are friends. One more in the bucket wouldn't really hurt, right?

She then started sharing information that i deemed would be inappropriate for public display. That is, she started sharing (way too) personal information to me. It's weird, because as awkward as i found this, I tried my best to take it in without sounding rude or offensive. She was talking about it and asked me things about myself as well. Now, being the good samaritan that I am (and i don't know if this was the right thing to do) I sort of engaged her in the level of conversation that she's giving out. No malice. Just conversation. After all, people are very different from each other, right? I thought this was just another quirk that she shows everybody else. Well, not all of our conversations were like that, eventually it kind of branched out to other topics, and I am very much grateful that this happened. For short, we got to be (sort of) okay friends.

This recent Sunday morning was a sudden turn of events on the so-called-friendship. She texted me as she usually would (with a good morning) and we started talking about a new topic this time which is, unfortunately, my recent ex. I was all good with it, i guess, and answered it as i usually do, blunt and to the point. She told me some details about what she heard about my situation and i merely asked her where she got the information since there were incorrect details about it.

That's when things started to turn sour.

She retaliated with something like this,

 “Enough of the phishing. No need to know exactly who they are. You’re there for the job and so am I. I’ll be keeping my distance from now on since I kinda feel where this conversation is going. T’was nice of you to share some (way too) personal stuff. Thank you, I appreciate it. See you around.”

At that point that she was mad, my bubble also burst. I WAS THE ONE GIVING (WAY TOO PERSONAL INFORMATION?! Really? And how can she reply like that when all i asked was a harmless and friendly question? This really struck a nerve but i was calm enough to confirm if the message was really for me since it really didn't make sense. But she confirmed that it really was for me, i came on the offensive after that, although i wasn't really sure that was the right decision to make.. the response went like,

"thing is, I did not know where that was going and I have no idea where you picked up half of what you said. And I was the one sharing too personal stuff? Really now?:) Well, whatevs. See you.."

What? I was upset, okay? If there's one really serious pet peeve that I have, it's being accused for something that I didn't do. I can be very apologetic and sorry if I was my fault, but if it wasn't and you point your finger at me, boy, you better be ready to spill some blood. In any case, It got really heated up and that's the only reply i came with and she ended the conversation there any then.

I thought about the situation overnight that maybe I didn't handle the situation the right way. Yes, she was very vague and I was got upset really fast because of it; but then i realized I didn't want any awkward situations with my colleague. I decided to reconcile.

I sent her a reconcilliation email and the email basically mentioned that i wanted to patch things up with her and that we should talk. There was even an apology squeezed in there and I thought that was enough to make it work. Unfortunately, the email ended up unanswered and that was an apparent answer of "3 days ago, you died in my eyes," Sad. Sad and awkward.

It's just weird (to me, at least) since I am the type of person who would rather sit down and talk about something in a mature and logical way that just not talking to someone. But you can't expect people to see things the way you would, and that would be the end of the story. A shame, really. All because of a simple text message that she took an offense on. Up until now, I have no idea what set her off. It will be awkward the upcoming days but things will eventually warm down and normalize.:) It just goes back to the time we didn't really talk. But i'm still positive about things, and I hope we can be friends again, or that she at least recognizes my existence.

Uncomfortably Slow..

Newton Faulkner

Travelling again
I know exactly how it's gonna end
The routine day dream starts as I get off
I'm holding up the queue
Because my ticket won't go through
I know it should be simple but it's not

So don't take my photograph
Cos I don't wanna know how it looks
To feel like this
As cars and people pass
It feels like standing still but I know
I'm just moving uncomfortably slow

Something's gotta change
I know i'm lucky in a lot of ways
So why do I want more
Than what I have?
Brace myself to hear the lies
I wonder if they know that I
Don't get the jokes but I just
Need to laugh

So don't take my photograph
Cos I don't wanna know how it looks
To feel like this
As cars and people pass
It feels like standing still but I know
I'm just moving uncomfortably slow

I'm just moving uncomfortably
Slow down
There's infinite detail
When you break it down
It all becomes simple how
It all becomes clearer now

So don't take my photograph
Cos I don't wanna know how it looks
To feel like this
As cars and people pass
It feels like standing still but I know
I'm just moving sub-consciously
One day I guess i'll be
The man that you think you see
I'm just moving uncomfortably
Slow.

Digging Into My Unconscious..

I was a college teacher and i taught in a prestigious European university of which i did not know the name. Students were from all over the world and I was very happy with the profession i chose. People liked me and I felt a sense of fulfillment whenever a student of mine passed by the corridor and greeted me.

Then I was in a large church and went on a mission to spy on an underground organization within it. I went through secret passages until i was in a hallway that looked like a medieval dungeon. Passing through it, i finally encountered the leader, an old man with a thick white beard whose facial features was obscured by a dark cloaked. We talked and i found out he wasn't as creepy as his looks suggested, and I became a member of the group. I went with several of the group's top tier members and found out that some of my family were already a part of it.

Then i was learning how to drive and was mentored by a street racer who drove a supercar. I was racing like a pro right of the bat and he commended my driving skills. I was still on the mission the leader sent me on, and there were several other cars from other groups trying to attack me.

~ fin ~

Note to Self..

TODAY is the best day of your life!:)

Quarter Life Going on Thirty...

It's late at night, or should i say early in the morning, and I'm still very much wide awake, with thoughts flying everywhere. There are only a couple of weeks left until i turn 26, past quarter life, and i thought it'd be a great idea to write down the things i want to accomplish in my life or the things i wanna have before I turn 30. I don't really have a clear cut plan on how to go about pulling these off, but for the sake of at least having goals to drive me forward, here goes.

• To change more into a God-fearing man with a stable ministry and an ever-growing relationship with my Lord and savior, Jesus; To be a man after his own heart.
• To have a stable, financially sufficient post or a good business - One that's enough for me to help my family out and for me to be financially free. Abroad or local, either way. I would most probably be in the public relations or training profession.
• To submit myself to a wise, God-fearing mentor whom I will be accountable to and will walk with me in actualizing my potential and achieving God's purposes in my life.
• To expand my resume to the point that it is internationally competitive and brimming with achievement and excellence. Seminars and accreditation and licenses are a must. 
• To find my princess, wherever she is in this world. I know that the Lord is getting her set up for me and taking good care of her. I'm still waiting and I know she is, too.
• To develop a functional and fit physique, not just one with form. I want a healthy body that's ready to handle any situation with enough strength, agility and endurance to pull off what i have to do.
• To acquire a place of my own. A rent-to-own condo or apartment would be nice, but a house would be awesome. It would be contemporary and would have a good view.
• To get a good place for my folks. Same as above, but somewhere near my own place so I can drop by any time.
• To be immersed in a unique sport and excel in it. Martial arts or Parkour, maybe.
• To form an extensive network of people from all walks of life and from every profession who will sharpen me, grow with me, and empower me to make changes not only in my life, but also of others.
• To support a foundation that will help in saving and preserving the natural beauty of my country, the Philippines. I am looking at you, Philippine Eagle Foundation.
• To enhance my drawing and music skills.
• To form a solid and efficient daily routine that will get me set through the day while having fun doing it.
• To buy myself a good car - nothing too extravagant or fancy, but one that says something about me and is efficient and functional to boot. Oh, and i wouldn't mind getting myself a big bike, too.
• To reconcile with everyone i have wronged.

I know that most of these are tall orders and they may seem a bit much, but i will be doing my best and working hard to make these things reality. I know that as long as i have my plans aligned to him, I can never go wrong, so I hope they are. Oh, and these are still very much subject to change. Just to quote,

"People are only limited by their thoughts"

Note to Self...

Start making urgency a habit...NOW.

Barkadaness..

Mga tunay na kaibigan. Mahirap mahanap. Sa dinami dami ng tao sa mundo, may mga ilan lang talaga na magiging bahagi ng buhay mo. Ang karamihan ay dadaan lang. makikilala. makakausap. makakalimutan. Pinagpala ka kung makakahanap ka ng tunay na kaibigan.

Sa Pilipinas, ang isang grupo ng magkakaibigan na tinadhana at minalas na magkasama-sama ay tinatawag na BARKADA. Ang barkada ang ikalawang pamilya ng isang tao. Minsan, primera pa nga. Karaniwang nabubuo ito sa sa kabataan ng isang tao, hayskul o kolehiyo madalas. Hindi limitado sa isang barkada ang isang tao - kadalasan, may isang barkada sa bawat yugto ng buhay.

Ang barkada kong pinakamalapit ay ang barkada ko nung kolehiyo. 6 kame sa grupo nung nagsimula, at ako lang ang lalake. Nakakapagtaka man ay madali para sa akin ang makasundo ang mga babae. Nung unang mga araw ng kolehiyo ay kame na ang nagkasama-sama at simula noon ay naging matatalik na magkaibigan na. Simula nung mga nene palang ang mga un ay naging bahagi na sila ng magulong buhay ko. Nasaksihan namen ang pagtanda ng bawat isa at nagdamayan sa karamihan ng aming problema - eskwela, pamilya, pag-ibig at kung anu-ano pa. May 10 taon ko na silang kakilala, at napakarami narin ang nagbago.

Nung kaming lahat ay nagtapos at nagkahiwahiwalay ng landas, naging madalang ang pagkikita. May kanya-kanyang mundo na kameng iniikutan at kanya-kanyang diskarte sa pag-galaw dito. Dumating din ung panahong halos di kame nagkakasama dahil narin sa trabaho at pagtutuon ng oras sa maraming ibang bagay. Pero malalaman mo na matibay ang samahan ninyo pag dumaan kayo sa lahat ng ito pero ganun parin ang lahat pag nagkita kayo.

Ang barkada ko ay walang katulad, pero may mga batas parin kaming sinusunod upang masabing ganap na barkada kame..

1. Ang barkada ay bawal sumunod sa oras na napag-usapan para magkita-kita. Pag on-time ka, lugi ka.
2. Ang barkada ay bawal makipaglandian sa isa't-isa. Andameng pwede landiin sa labas..walang taluhan.
3. Ang barkada ay nagdadamayan sa problema. Kung di mo maiiwan ang pinagkakaabalahan mo ngayon, atlis kamustahin mo ang may problema at sabihin mong "okay lang yaaaaaaann...".
4. Ang barkada ay nagpapa-inom pag may okasyon, problema, lungkot, o ligaya. At dahil hindi ako umiinom, okay na ko sa pizza.
5. Ang barkada ay patas magbigay pag ambagan.
6. Ang barkada ay nagpapakopya ng takdang aralin sa isa't-isa. Bawal umamin na kinopya mo ito kahit bistado ka.
7. Ang barkada ay laging kulang pag may lakwatsa dahil laging merong isang magdadahilan sa huling minuto. Kung makumpleto man kayo, dapat once-a-century lang.
8. Ang barkada ay laging nagpaplano ng lakad pero dapat 1 lang sa 10 ang natutuloy. Kung gusto mong matuloy, dapat biglaan.
9. Ang barkada ay laging may natitirang kasapi na hindi lasing sa inuman para alagaan ang mga tumaob na sa alak. Ako yung nag-aalagang un.
10. Ang barkada ay bawal maging malungkot. Kung malungkot man, dapat di obyus. Kung gusto mong umiyak, dapat may tama ka muna.
11. Ang mga nobyo at nobya ay "extension" ng barkada.

Nagpapasalamat ako sa napaka-lupet at mapang-asar kong mga kabarkada. Kung di dahil sa inyo, malamang ay naging normal na nilalang ako. At dahil lahat tayo ay abnoy, walang iwanan kahit kailan, okay? Hinding-hindi ko kayo ipapagpalit kahit kanino. Salamat. Mahal na mahal ko kayo.

Lhea..

Irene..

Gie..

Gracia..

at Joy..

special mention:

Alyson..

Yuz..

Benzon..

Jake....

and the Australian guy..

CIAO.

A Moment Of Conceit..

You are AMAZINGLY GOOD LOOKING..

     ..Don't let any other person tell you otherwise.

You are EXCEPTIONALLY INTELLIGENT..
     ..People simply don't think the same way you do.
You are DEFINITELY STRONG..
     ..Being able to manage this far proves that.
You are EXTREMELY SEXY..
     ..And people out there definitely has the hots for you.
You are INCREDIBLY TALENTED..
     ..Do your best and share whatever skill you have.
You are AWFULLY CHARMING..
     ..Show that killer smile and engage people.
You are HANDS-DOWN WITTY AND HUMOROUS..
     ..there are just a few that don't get it.
You are REMARKABLY CONFIDENT..
     ..now go out there and take the stage!
You are UTTERLY LOVED..
     ..By people you take for granted most of the time..
You are IMMENSELY POWERFUL..
     ..And once you realize this, you can change history.

Note To Self...

Punching a concrete wall, especially one that's crudely made, does not help. Ouch.

Raindrops..

The rainy season has always been my favorite over summer - cold temperatures mean easier sleep, a more pleasant feeling while traveling, plus there's just something about the way raindrops sound when they hit your roof. I love rain. I can run around without umbrella and just enjoy getting soaked by the small droplets of water. Call it emotional or whatever you want. I'm an artist. I have the perfect excuse to act weird.

As lovely as the rains are, there's also another something to it that makes me not want it at certain times - The sadness it invokes. When it rains, it seems like a time when the heavens are mourning and depending on how you are at the moment, it can feel like it's mourning with you. The cold it brings sucks out all the warmth that's left in you and you end up freezing inside. The small raindrops can drown out the sound of everything else around you and you feel like you're the only one in the world. There's just so much about it that makes you feel lonely.

This morning, i woke up feeling really cold, drained, and just plain empty and scared for i don't know what reason. Our ceiling is bare, and you can audibly hear the patter of the rain on our roof, filling my senses as it welcomes me back to reality. I didn't have what it took to get up right away so i took my time lying down in bed and tried to muster enough strength to sit upright. Was it the hangover of a really weird dream? Maybe. Was it the feeling of guilt for not going to work last night? Possibly. Was it the feeling of being left alone by someone who you thought was going to be there forever? Hmmm. Maybe it's a mix of all these. I finally got the chance to pull myself together to go to the bank to pick up some money. I didn't even feel like having breakfast. (I haven't eaten a morsel up until now and i still don't feel like eating). I got home numb and cold but i was still pretty much okay. Then i went online just to write down how I was feeling and just a few moments ago, I read something that totally changed the way this blog was supposed to turn out. . .

I am feeling devastated, and the rain is only adding in to the pain. Drop after drop after drop of pain comes pouring in to flood my already ruined heart. Excruciating would not be enough to describe the emotion that is here right now. I am shaking. I am cold. I am hurt. There's no other way to put it. The funny thing is, I'm not even crying, as if all the tears that need to come out are already being cried by they dark, gloomy skies. The sorrow and pain seem like eternity, with no end in sight. I can barely hold on to the harsh reality of things, wanting to just let go and fade away. . .

Please let it go away. . .

There's always sunshine after the rain, and it's the truth no matter how much of a cliche it sounds. I can only endure until that time comes, when i can go around with a real smile on my face again. God knows how much I would like to get patched up, but it just seems like a long ways off when you're heart's shattered into a million pieces and you are the only one picking them up. . .

I Believe..

a man's priorities dictates the way he lives..

D.A.R.Y.L.

Data Analying Robot Youth Life-form

I'm Daryl, an artist by heart and a dreamer of sorts. I am also just a simple guy, currently trying to find my niche in this big world, and trying to discover more of myself - not really an easy feat for people my age. In any case, I was encouraged to write by a certain special someone so here I am, trying to weave words and touch hearts though I'm not really adept at it. For starters, I want you guys to have an idea of who i am, so here goes..

I was named after a film made in the 80's about a young boy who had exceptional intelligence and skill for his age. Turns out, the kid was actually an android that had learned to live and develop emotions like a regular person. Now, my parents wanted me to grow up to be that amazing so that's how i got the name. Unfortunately, I am FAR from being so: i just happened to turn out to be just amazingly blessed with everything in my life. I do love knowledge, though, and i love learning, so i guess that's still a consolation, for all it's worth.

I am a Christian. I am a worshiper. I've always believed in God and I have an awesome, still-growing relationship with my maker. I live to sing Him praises and to give glory to His name at all moments of my life. And no, I AM NOT PERFECT; but I am trying my best to live under His light and provide love to everyone that needs it. I believe that Jesus, my Savior, has redeemed me from sin and that no matter how much i slip and fall, I will always be okay. He is my strength and my refuge, my shelter from the storm. He is my best friend, and my comforter when I am low. I have let Him down time and again, but He has never failed me. My God is my life, my air and my everything. I live my life for Him.

I am and always will be an artist. Drawing will always be one of my first loves and music is something i can never live without. I appreciate skin art and am a henna tattoo artist. I also play instruments and sing whenever I can. I say whenever because I can sing anywhere and not be shy about it. I do drums and guitar, but not as well as I would like to. Anime has always been part of my life, and it's my primary art form. This and many other things have drawn me to the awesomeness of Japanese culture. In many ways, my work is highly influenced by emotion and thus, can be in the mood or out of it just because. I admire people who have great graphic talent as I am very visual in nature; I also prefer movies that impress my eyes and emotion more than it does my intellect. All in all, Art will always be one of my defining points.

I love my family and they are the most important people in my life. I enjoy a very rare closeness with both my parents and I believe that their experience and wisdom is something that I will always trust and learn from. My dad looks almost exactly like me (i've been told time and again) and my mom is simply the most beatiful lady alive until i meet my girl. I am blessed to have God-fearing and amazing and down-to-earth and loving parents. They are one of my pillars and inspirations in this complicated world. My siblings are amazing. Being the eldest,  I have a brother next to me and he is an artist as well, a better one than me for that matter. Next to us is a sister that beats the crap out of the way celebrities look and is one of the coolest out there. Last is my kid brother, whose "kulit" knows no bounds and is sweet without reserve. All of us fight, make noise and go crazy..just like that. I will always remain grateful and indebted to my family. Most of what I am now is because of them, and I am never ashamed to let the world know that I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.

Since I was a kid, I have always held a special facination for nature and wildlife. I would browse encyclopedias and books and TV stations just looking for any new facts I could learn about them. Although I am not a field person in any way, the beauty of life and nature have always amazed me and has never failed to entrap my senses. From the  majestic birds of prey to the fierce big cats to the swarming bugs to the creepy fishes of the depths, all of these arouse my curiosity like no other. I can sit through hours watching documentaries without even noticing time pass by. I would even like to be a wildlife advocate at some point in my life, and this is no joke. Given the chance, i would like to support the foundations that support the national bird of my country, the ever noble Philippine Eagle. It's a treasure I know is worth protecting, and I would do so without a moment's hesitation. I just love animals, and learning about them is something that I can't do without.

I'm a textbook dreamer, and I have I never stop visualizing how I will be in the future. The path may not be so clear right now, but I continue on imagining aspects of my life and how I would like them to be, and I know for a fact that God has set these things upon my heart. I do pray, though, that if at any point my plans do not align to His, that He leads me and molds my life the way that His perfect plan dictates.

I would define myself as an encourager and an appreciator, and I want people to be happy and appreciated for who they are and what they have - maybe because I want to feel the same way, too. I avoid judging others and put as much effort as I can in doing so. I hate gossip and will stop rumors from spreading if ever it reaches me. I will never solicit personal or sensitive information about a person I'm not even connected to. I believe gossiping is unfair to the ones concerned and are worthless and destructive. In a way, though, I somehow have a crowd pleaser type personality since I have a sanguine-type temperament. I am doing my best to moderate this though, as I believe trying to please others is not a healthy way of living. You can never please everybody. I love the spotlight and I would never shy away from attention - this is simply the way I am programmed. I dislike socializing and pleasantries, but I have learned to be good at these since there are times that they are needed. I choose my friends and I do so wisely - surrounding myself with people that complement me.  I believe that I should reach out more, however, and that I should learn to establish connections with important people and invest in relationships that would help me and those around me become better. I dislike parties very much, but I could tolerate going to one to help out a friend. I prefer simple dinners and quiet celebrations with select important people.

With all these being said, here are some basic/crazy facts about me:

• I am straight-edged, meaning I don't drink, smoke, do drugs, or have any vices like these.
• I prefer prefer wearing my hair long.
• Darl, Bobit, Bit, Da, Dada, Darrell, and Dar are the names people call me. Only my mom calls me Darl.
• I am afraid of dogs that don't know me and cockroaches that fly.
• I am crazy over rollercoasters and other thrill rides.
• I take calculated risks.
• I eat ALOT.
• I get weirdly affectionate with pets.
• I only wear neutral/earth colors.
• It takes a lot for me to get fed up of anything.
• I forget things.
• I believe confidence makes a girl sexy.
• I believe simplicity makes a girl beautiful.
• I think one of the best feelings in the world is when you have the wind blow through your hair.
• I rarely watch TV now.
• I love collecting bonnets, jackets and shoes.
• I smile alot.
• I avoid eating food that have small interruptions inside (bones and seeds and stuff).
• I stargaze and look out the window when it's raining (hence the blog name).
• I can be impassive and uncaring sometimes.
• In art, i dislike skeletons but love dragons.
• I've always prefer a sleek look over an imposing one.
• I have a mobile phone named Theodore.
• I'd go for easy listening music over rock and hip-hop most of the time.
• I get jealous, even with friends.
• I complement people when they deserve it. Don't assume it's ass-kissing.
• I don't like wearing apparell that impose brand names.
• I overthink things.
• Expressions I tend to overuse are "pretty much", "what's the plan?", and "for a change".

And with that, I officially end the not-so-late introduction to my life, and let you guys know me through my blogs. *bow*

Just Another..

I thought we'd last forever

I'm not sure if I thought wrong,

I did my best to keep you,

but still ended up alone.

I don't know what to do now,

but what i do know is this,

I would still want to be your last,

not just someone who shared your kiss.

Am I..

Just another lover,

Just another one like them?

Will you tell them all about me,

While you smile and hold their hand?

Just another lover..

A stage that's finally done.

I hope i can bring you back to that forgotten day,

when you said that i was the one.

Feeling lost and confused,

I'm not sure what i did wrong,

to make you change your mind just like that,

and leave me all alone.

It's all still fresh in my mind,

the moments that we shared,

But I know nothing i can do right now,

Can make come back and care..

Are you..

Just another lover,

Just another one like them?

Will you just forget about me,

and move on to another man?

Just another Lover,

A stage that's finally done?

I hope i can bring you back to that forgotten day,

when you said I was the one.

I know right now that I still Love you,

But i don't know if I'll hold on.

I know I can wait forever,

If you just tell me..

That I still have your heart.

Am I..

Just another lover,

Just another one like them?

Will you tell them all about me,

While you smile and hold their hand?

Just another lover..

A stage that's finally done.

I hope i can bring you back to that forgotten day,

when you said that i was the one.

_Original Composition_

Matanda Kana Nga Ba?

Matanda kana. Alam mo na ginagawa mo.

Yan ang madalas naten marinig na payo ng isang kabarkada na ipinapasayo nalang ang desisyon sa iyong problema. Eto ung tipo ng payo na hindi mo alam kung bukal sa puso kasi nakakaloko - yun bang pakiramdam mo tinatamad lang silang pakinggan ang paulit ulit mo na pagsasalita. Yan din ang naririnig naten sa mga kaibigan naten pag tipong ayaw naten pakinggan ang sinasabi nila kasi matigas ang ating ulo. At sa bandang huli, malalaman mo na tama naman pala sila.

Matanda kana.

Minsan iniisip naten, porke sumampa tayo sa isang nasasabing edad o punto sa ating buhay, ay masyado na tayong "may alam" para magkamali. "Alam ko!" with matching emote. Ikaw pa ung galit pag nasasabihan ka. Di naten naiisip na wala sa edad ang karanasan na meron ang isang tao at posibleng ang isang dyis-anyos ay may naranasan at nalalaman na nalilingid parin sa atin. At madalas din, kung maulit man ung isang sitwasyon na naranasan na naten dati, may kargang resbak. Kasi nde na ito papagtuunan ng masyadong madaming atensyon at pag-iisip at lakas kung alam mo na ung gagawin, diba? Ika nga ni, ahm, ung leon sa Chronicles of Narnia na nakalimutan ko na ang pangalan, "Things never happen the same way twice, little one," Basta ganun. Moral Lesson? WAG MASYADONG MAGALING. 

Matanda kana.

Dapat naiisip naten na ang problema ay kasama naten habambuhay. At kung tayo ay tumatanda o gumagaling, tinatapatan din tayo ng mga mas matinding problema. Hindi mo masasabing wala kang problema, kasi kung un ang iniisip mo, padating na yun. Walang edad na wala nito. Nung sanggol ka pa lamang ay pinoproblema mo ang gatas mo at pinapasabog mo ang tenga ng bawat tao sa kwarto para malaman nila yun. Pagsampa mo ng kindergarten ay pinoproblema mo pano magsulat, at kung pano makakakuha pa ng mas madaming kendi. Pagdating mo ng hayskul, pinoproblema mo ung babaeng kras mo na hindi ka pinapansin, at patay ka kasi torpe ka. Matapos ang kolehiyo, pinoproblema mo ang trabaho at ang magiging lugar mo sa mundo. Eto pa isa - Happy ending naba pag nag-asawa ka? MUKHA MO. Proproblemahin mo ang pakikipagkasundo sa taong halos buong buhay mo hindi kilala at ang pagpapalaki sa mga magiging supling niyo. Sa huling bahagi ng kwento ng buhay mo, edad na ang kalaban mo. Malapit na ang finish line.

Matanda Kana.

Hindi gawa sa bakal ang balat at lalong hindi gawa sa bato ang puso. Ang disenyo ng sa tao ay may pakiramdam at nagkakasugat, at ito ay para masulit naten ang buong sarap ng buhay. Hindi ito nagbabago sa pagtanda. Tumindi man ang resistensya mo sa sakit, masusugatan ka parin sa maling ahit. Lumagpas ka man sa sinasabe nilang "puppy love" ay masasaktan ka parin pag merong mahalagang tao na nawala sayo. Masasaktan at masasaktan ka. Tandaan mo yan. Kung dumating ka man sa punto na hindi kana nasasaktan, kongrats nang malaki sayo, pare. HINDI KANA TAO.

Matanda Kana.

Andami ko nang nakitang matatanda, mawalang galang na po, na parang hari o reyna kung magreklamo o humingi ng serbisyo. Hindi ito mali, at kadalasan naman ay may punto sila. Sana lang, hindi pinapairal ang yabang na kasama minsan ng pagtanda. Kulang nalang ay sakalin nila ung mga taong nagtitiis para pagbigyan sila. Pantay-pantay lang tayo dito, mga manong at manang. Tao tayong lahat dito. Gustuhin man ng iba na rumespeto sa nakakatanda, dapat din naman ay makitang karespe-respeto sila. Kung bastos man ung mga kabataan na kaharap nila, dapat lang ng ipakita nila na mas may delikadesa at talino ang mga senior, tama?:)

Matanda Kana.

At tandaan mong hindi ito totoo. Maaaring mas matanda ka sa iba, pero hindi mo pwedeng sabihin ito na parang nasa rurok kana ng kagalingan at nakaaangat ka.

Dapat handa kang matuto.

Dapat handa kang humarap ng problema.

Dapat handa kang masaktan.

Dapat handa kang magpakumbaba.

Eto na..

Sabe nila, masarap daw magsulat. Maiilagay mo dito ang iyong mga naiisip at nararamdaman noong panahong dumating ito at maaari mong balikan pagdating ng panahon. Pag binalikan mo ito, maaari kang mapangiti o matawa o mainis o malungkot o masuka, kasi malamang sa malamang, maiisip mo na hindi na pala parehas ang mga bagay-bagay at marami nang nagbago mula nun.

Hindi ako mahilig magsulat. Hindi ko ito nakagisnan at lalong hindi ko pinag-aksayahan ng panahon. Pero bakit ako nagsusulat? Malay ko. Pag nalaman ko, ipapagsigawan ko sa mundo, ayos ba?

. . .

Ako ung tipo ng tao na mahilig gumuhit at mahilig magbalik-tanaw sa nakaraan. Hindi malinaw ang aking memorya sa mga bagay - MAKAKALIMUTIN AKONG TAO. Pero pag sumagi ang isang alaala sa isip ko, matatandaan ko pati emosyon na kasama nung alaala na un. Madalas, meron pang kasamang background music. Oha.

Napapangiti ako dahil nakikita ko ang dating ako - bata, padalos-dalos, makulit, takot, madaldal, masayahin, at syempre, CUTE. Haha. Walang basagan ng trip.

Natatawa ako dahil andami ko nang nagawang kalokohan, at marami pang mangyayari na tatawanan ko ulit.

Naiinis ako dahil gusto kong batukan ang aking sarili nuon at sabihing, "bat ba kasi antakaw mo?! Tignan mo ko ngayon! TIGNAN MOOO!!! Anlaki ng iniwan mong trabaho sakin! Hmph!"

Nalulungkot ako dahil may mga bagay na gusto mo sanang andyan parin hanggang ngayon, pero di mo na maiibalik - tulad nung laruan kong Power Rangers na Megazord dati. huhu. Panghihinayang.

Nasusuka ako dahil sa mga kagimbal-gimbal na desisyon na ginawa mo dahi, tulad nung pagkain ng ubod ng sarap ng putahe na malaman-laman mo'y *toot* pala ng kalabaw. Fill in the blanks.

Pano ito naging konek sa pagsulat? DETALYE.:)

. . .

Pwera Biro, masaya pala talagang gawain ito. Masaya kasi lumilipad ka sa isang mundo na walang makakaabot sayo kundi sarili mo lang. Yun yung lugar sa pagitan ng panaginip at katotohanan. Ang lugar na ito ay magkakaiba,  depende sa manunulat. Sa ilan ay mala-impyerno, sa iba ay mala-langit, at sa iba naman ay mala-engkantadia. Kumbaga, parang yung sa pelikulang "The Matrix". Lahat pwede mong gawin. Lahat pwede mong isulat. Walang makakapigil sayo. Ang kaya lang gawin ng mga mambabasa ay mag-react at makaramdam ng emosyon. Pero kung manunulat ka na may paninindigan at alam ang iyong mga sinasabe (syempre dapat hindi ka sabog), alam mo na karaniwan yun at inaasahan.

Andaming satsat, isa lang naman ang punto.

MAGSUSULAT NA AKO.

Abangan.

Hapless..

Wandering through the void,
my soul seeks respite..

The doubt, the sorrow, it stings.

The pain is bittersweet,

like a rose clenched tightly in one's fist.

I cannot let go.

I am a dreamer,

but the dreams bring nothing but shadows.

I seek your face in futility. 

You are not there,

You are not there.

You are a  thousand miles beside me,

your hand out of reach.

Where are you, my heart?

You are  a mystery, a phantom.

One i cannot fathom even with a lifetime's worth of thoughts.

Let down your rope, that I may discover more of you.

Beautiful and terrifying,

like a rainless hurricane.

Your winds freeze me where i stand and in your presence,

I know not what i should do.

Your voice pierces my being and cuts me down.

I will wait,

I will wait.

Eternity is nothing more than a minute.